Carpe Futurum

This is it.

Today is the day.

Today I am going to submit my query package to my top-choice literary agent.


...unless I chicken out.


I've been obsessing over this submission package for ages now, tweaking, re-writing, agonizing over every word, every metaphor, every period.  Could it be better than it is now?  Probably.  There's always room for improvement.  Nothing is ever perfect.  But if I continue to futz around I'll never send the damn thing out.  No, it's time.  Carpe futurum.  I'm going to make some toast (and maybe a bit of coffee), but then I'm sitting down for one final edit before sending it all out.

In other news, I've had a bit of a revelation about my book.

I've used excerpts from Traditor to apply to grad school and a fellowship, without success.  I've been convinced that this is due to a lack of talent on my part.  Maybe my writing wasn't engaging, or was too juvenile, or was just not good enough.  The other day I was thinking about a short story I wrote, "Human," and how I had much better (but still not good enough) luck when I was sending that out in place of Traditor.  Was that short story really that much better?

While I love that short story, and will always have a soft spot for it in my heart, I honestly feel that I've progressed as a writer.  Why, then, did literary programs respond so much more positively to "Human?"

I think it's because "Human" is a fairly literary piece, while Traditor is more commercial.  True, I've named Traditor's genre as 'literary thriller,' but it's still a much more commercial piece than "Human."  Much more Deathly Hallows than A Casual Vacancy, but not so far as The Sorcerer's (Philosopher's) Stone.  Not that I'm anywhere near the skill level of any of that writing, of course. 

So that is what I'm telling myself: that schools and fellowships don't want me because my work isn't the high-minded, academic, abstract literary treatise that they're seeking.  I could be completely wrong...maybe my writing is just terrible.  But for the sake of my sanity I'm choosing not to believe that.

Anyway, I may die of hunger if I don't make some food, and I still have an hour or two of work to do on my submission package before it's ready to send out.  I can only hope my agent of choice is looking for what I'm offering.

Ta for now!


Working Title: Bryn & Mer: Traditor
Word Count: 151,976
Applying Mode: Resolute